Oh, The Things You Should Know!
by 4sweetdreams
Summary: Abby tries to summarize "Team Gibbs" with a little help from her friend, Dr. Seuss! PURE FLUFF!
1. Chapter 1

**Oh! The Things You Should Know**

**Summary:** Abby decides (with a little help from her friend, Dr. Seuss) that it would only be fair to write down 'the Rules'—spoken and unspoken. It would lessen the confusion and hopefully help everyone on 'Team Gibbs' stay (or finally get) on the same page.

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I don't own them. I've just borrowed them for a bit. I promise to return them in better shape than I found them. No copyright infringement intended. I have borrowed from the immortal Dr. Seuss and from Wikipedia's NCIS Proverbs and Gibbs Rules. It has been said that "imitation is the best form of flattery"—it is that spirit I wish to reflect.

**Author's Note:** Pure FLUFF because I really needed it. I offer my sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss who, in my opinion, was one of this century's greatest philosophers! ("Don't cry because it's over—smile because it happened". Is that pure genius or what!?!) In my defense, I'm the only one in my household whose age is in double digits. Dr. Seuss is one of our favorites.

Love it / hate it? Reviews are always appreciated! Thanks!

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_They were finally here!_ Abby grinned as she opened the box, carefully taking out one of the oversized books—her brain child of a few sleepless nights made possible by the funds from this year's tax return She flipped through it, delighting in the simple yet colorful illustrations that had been drawn to complement the text. Returning the book, she lifted the box and carried it to her back room. A beep from Major Mass Spec alerted her that the mystery goo McGee had found on the sleeve of a current guest in Ducky's morgue was identified. Her 'gifts' would wait for a little while longer.

**Oh! The Things You Should Know: The Unofficial Guide to Understanding Team Gibbs**

Salutations, dear friends!

Hello one and all!

Native or foreign who've answered the call

To work at this place—the best of the best,

The wonderful place of N-C-I-S!

----

I've created a guide

To help us a bit

C'mon, now. Don't grumble,

Be happy—just sit

In your chair for a moment

And enjoy it, Be glib!

As I try and explain us: the team they call 'Gibbs'.

----

Boss man, El Hefe, My Silver-haired Fox,

A graduate, quite sadly, from the school of hard knocks.

Superpowers—he has them!

Of that have no doubt.

If you're trying to hide it—Gibbs is sure to find out!

----

Dear Tony, senior agent

Former OSU jock

He's a player, a charmer,

But he's really all talk!

His job? He'll get to it,

Bad guys won't get deferred,

Though to a movie or actor

They'll soon be referred.

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My Timmy is special,

'Elflord' and close friend,

Problems with technology?

McGee is happy to mend.

Don't be misguided

I'm sure you will see,

Called teasingly 'Probie'—a great agent is he!

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Our Mossad assassin?

She's funny and kind

Watch out for her driving

She's out of her mind!

I'll hasten to add this—'cause I value my life,

Ziva's trained, honed and ready

And she's skilled with a knife.

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Dear Ducky will ramble

Sadly, it's true

But if you're cause of death seeking,

He's good at that, too.

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The 'autopsy gremlin'

That's Palmer—sweet smile

Though while driving to crime scenes,

He's off half a mile.

-----

That leads you to me,

A forensic Goth girl,

I love Bert and black roses,

Stools upon which I can twirl

On sexual harassment, the notes I did take,

But people, be reasonable!

Give me a break!

I love to hug everyone—

I'm bubbly and kind.

If I can't hug you out right—I will, in my mind.

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Oh! Goodness gracious!

I almost forgot!

(Without a fresh Caf-Pow, that happens a lot)

Our Madame Director is one of a kind.

Her smile, her beauty, her tactical mind.

The loud noise that you hear?

It's only a fight—

Don't worry, don't hide

It will turn out all right.

'Mommy and Daddy' can't stay mad for long

The 'kids' won't allow it—

Emotions run strong.

-----

That is our team.

Our own 'motley crew'

I love 'em all –what else can I do?

Oh! Is there a question?

What did you say?

What is a glimpse of a 'typical day'?

---

**We do a lot of waiting.**

Waiting for a case to break,

UST to boil over,

A point we should make.

A good AFIS match,

A reason to dance,

Sharing a memory,

For another chance.

**We do a lot of waiting.**

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Chapter 2 is the "Rules"…. TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Chapter 2: **The Rules**

**Disclaimer**: Still don't own 'em. Sure wish I did!

Thanks for the reviews! I appreciate them very much!

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Gibbs has these 'Rules'

You'll want to take down,

They've never been written

So, this remedy, I've found!

___

To help remember the numbers

Hey, now. Don't fret!

He can get really grumpy if you tend to forget.

____

Pay attention, now children!

I'll give you the list.

It's subject to change

But none have I missed.

____

**The Rules—as I know them**

Rule # 1 is confusing,

Just wait. You will see.

Why I've broken it down

Into Rule 1 'A' and 1"B'

One 'A' involves suspects

But, unlike birds of a feather,

Never, no never, let them stay together!

One 'B' is the Boss man's

Own special blend,

Don't screw (over) your partner,

Be true to the end!

___

Rule 2 is so easy,

Listen up now, my loves!

At crime scenes be certain to always wear gloves!

___

Rule 3 is a split one: another great fright!

3 'A' is be reachable— by day or by night.

3'B' is a good one,

Clever and bold,

Don't assume what you've heard

Double check what you're told.

____

Rule 4's a bit longer,

Complicated, but true

Eyes on me, people! It's important to you!

Keeping a secret

Is really not fun

But the key to the trick

Is to tell, well,

NO ONE!

But if it is proper

And if keeping it sucks;

You can tell one other person,

Only then, if you must!

There are no more options—

Give it a rest.

When it comes to a secret,

There is no third best!

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Rules 5 and 6 have gone off the grid

I truly know not as to why they are hid,

I'm sure they are waiting

Caught in the net,

The almighty Gibbs

Hasn't told us just yet!

___

Rule 7's not my favorite—

I find lying horrific!

But, if you're going to do it,

At least be specific!

____

Eight is a wise one,

Often confused with rule 3,

(They are very similar, I'd have to agree)

Here it is on its own

Not original, just slanted

Whatever/Whoever—take nothing for granted!

____

Nine can be tricky

But it can save your life

Guns run out of bullets:

Always carry a knife!

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Ten and Eleven still are not marked

Someday, they'll be lighted,

But –for now—they are darked!

___

Rule 12's a revision

From what I've been told,

Scuttlebutt gossip—both young and old!

Be it your true love,

(Or just dropping your pants)

Gibbs has a big "No, No!"

About office romance.

____

Okay, I admit it, while hanging my head

I haven't been told,

And I even asked Fred!

(He's worked here for ages,

If they'd been uttered, he'd have told)

But 13 and 14, I have yet to behold.

___

Fifteen is a challenge,

We must plan, think, and scheme,

To catch slimy dirt bags--

We must work as a team!

___

Sixteen and seventeen are somewhere,

To be honest, I'm miffed!

Just wait; we will find them,

'Til then, we are stiffed!

___

Eighteen is useful,

I've used it outright!

To navigate protocol, rules, and the like.

If it calls for quick action; what's best for the mission

Do it!

Ask for forgiveness, instead of permission!

___

Rules 19 to 21, I don't have a clue,

But it leads us, at least,

To Rule 22!

We've all seen him in action,

He glowers and glares

(If I were a bad guy—I'd crack under the stare)

At times he has twisted the occasional limb

If Gibbs is in interrogation—

Don't bother him!

___

Twenty-three is the last one

Of the ones that I know,

I'm sure there are more

As I find out-- you'll know!

Caffeine is a godsend

The best gift to give

Mess with a Marines coffee?

You're not gonna live!

___

That's it for the 'Rules'

The ones to write down,

There are others of course,

I pause for a frown.

They are more like 'proverbs'

A word to the smart,

Some of them are silly;

Some close to my heart.

I think I'll include them,

At least, the best few

I hope they can help us

Remember what—and what not—to do!

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Man! I hope I did't miss any of the 'Rules'--if I did, I'm sure someone will let me know! Would you like to read the 'Proverbs'?


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note**: Thanks again to all who have reviewed. You guys are great!

**Disclaimer**: Still don't own it. Still wish that I did.

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**THE PROVERBS of NCIS**

The last chapter I dedicate

A few words to the wise,

Read closely! Don't miss them

Sage quips in disguise.

___

They come from all members

Some who are now gone.

Losing them was hard

But life—it goes on.

____

While our hearts are still healing

I am willing to bet

Though we can no longer see them,

We will never forget.

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**The Proverbs, as I know them. **

**__**

If while shooting at bad guys

A bullet hits your vest,

Stay down—you've been shot!

Take a moment to rest!

Jumping up quickly

Can lead to much strife

Spend a minute on the ground—

It could save your life!

_____

Saying 'I'm sorry' can be quite lame,

(I don't agree with this always,

I've used without shame)

To some, it screams 'weakness'

The ultimate vice,

But –between friends—I am told

It is really quite nice.

____

In mystics and hauntings we should not believe,

Dwell in science and in facts--

They do not deceive.

Speculation we argue, insinuation we duck,

While we _don't _believe in coincidence,

We believe in bad luck!

____

Excessive verbiage is much overrated

Politicians and lawyers

Of this sin are berated,

Zip up those lips! Let action be heard!

A steely eyed stare

Is worth thousands of words!

____

I've discussed this at length

(It seemed worth consulting)

A slap to the face is very insulting!

A slap to the head

When someone goofs up

Is simply a way to tell them, 'Wake up'!

___

Power and politics don't sound like much fun,

To run a whole agency is not easily done!

Ass kissing, like castration, seems more of an art,

Please be true to yourself,

Direct your own heart.

____

When choosing a password to the tree house of life,

You want something strong,

That will not cause you strife!

If you're faithful and honest

(Some of the best traits I know)

'Semper Fi', should do nicely

Give it a go!

____

If protection from pain is the hearts grand design

If memories cause tears

(Not peace so sublime),

I'll mention no names (_but you **know** who you are_)

I've watched you hold back, keeping them far,

I checked with the Nuns--and per the Big Guy above,

While hiding from pain,

You're also hiding from love.

____

Why dazzle them with brilliance

When you can baffle with ease?

Need time before you've solved it?

Respond in '_tech nese'_!

When the answer arrives

(Dodging the slap to the head)

Reveal all in plain English

And say, "That's what I said"!

____

This ends my ramblings,

Fulfilling a need.

Is there a purpose, do you ask?

Oh, yes! Yes, indeed!

___

This book is a mirror,

On which you can reflect

Am I speaking in general?

Or am I being direct?

___

Find the answer to that question--

In the words you have read

(I hope they're not jumbled

Inside of your head)

____

Take action! Be brave!

Don't doubt you'll succeed

You **can** do it!

(97 and ¾ percent guaranteed!)

____

And if my cunning pays off

(Into joy I will delve)

As the Boss man eliminates

Rule number twelve!

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A happy ending: for all McAbby's, Tiva's and Jibbs lovers alike! **THE END**


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